Day Five

JEFFREY MARX

1:40am - My eliminations are having eliminations now. I hope I am alive tomorrow! Or, at least that Jake Gyllenhaal wakes me up and effs the shizz out of me before I waste away to dust.

7:40am - I woke up with morning wood - sure sign I am alive! I thought about jerking off, but didn't have the strength. I was still hazy from a crazy dream. I never remember my dreams, so when I do, I always find it interesting, like, why did my brain choose to remember this one in particular? The dreams I do remember are always in color too. Here is what I dreamt...

Chloe from '24' and I were having dinner at T.G.I.Fridays. It seemed like we were there in a semi-romantic context, perhaps a second date? I wasn't sure, but I know I had the feeling of wanting more from our relationship than where it stood. All of the sudden, a bunch of waiters with too much 'Fridays Flare' started singing 'Happy Birthday' to me and presented me with a very, very large sundae. It was bigger than me and it was not my birthday.

Flash to me scuba diving. Only, it wasn't me like I see myself, it was a me how I want to see myself. Totally a weird feeling. I was in a tight scuba diving suit and I was pretty hot, like, super ripped, like Brad Pitt in 'Fight Club'. I watched myself dive into the ocean. I would never do anything like this in real life.

Under water, I had an overwhelming sense of freedom. I felt like I needed to be going down so deep. For what reason, I wasn't sure, but I didn't feel like it mattered. I remember blackness, which contrasted from the bright colors I saw in the dream up until now. When my feet hit the bottom, I saw a huge group of faceless friends of mine. They were having a party on the ocean floor. I was expecting to see Sebastian from 'The Little Mermaid' but he wasn't there. I noticed that no one was wearing scuba gear. How were they breathing? They urged me to join them and told me to take off my breathing gear. I was scared, but emboldened by this new sense of deep freedom. I took it off and found I could breathe just fine. I didn't need to rely on the scuba gear. I breathed in amazing air and energy.

Then, I woke up.

11:50am - My morning has been amazing! I got all the accoutrements out to make The Cleanse juice. I was suddenly sickened by the juice factory that has been going on in the kitchen. The dream had rattled around in my head in the shower. As I poured the first tablespoon of maple syrup, I stopped. I stopped The Cleanse. I grabbed my man bag and left the house. The grocery store had Extra Pulp Orange Juice on sale for $2.99. I drank a large glass full of pulpy OJ and a ton of water. The pain in my legs has disappeared. My brain feels alive (probably because I am not dying anymore) and my heart is singing (probably because I am not dying anymore)! I have come to terms with so many things between last night and this morning! I am at peace and have learned a ton! I am thankful I tried The Master Cleanse! I will explain more later. Right now, I have to go pee.

1:10pm - I drank two good sized glasses of slightly watered down OJ, a glass of plain water, two slices of perfect cantaloupe, and a single bite of soft bagel. Not all together, but throughout the morning until now. All stomach signs feel fine. No cramping.

1:30pm - My, it's interesting to see people's reactions to me stopping (not quitting)! Reactions have ranged from shock to disappointment to happiness that they can finally tell me they thought I was crazy in the first place! Sophia called me a liar. She thinks I made up the dream so that I would have an easier time with Brian for stopping. I love her so much for thinking that because it IS actually something I could do, but in this case I did not.

4:20pm - Well, I have been feeling very high today. High on so many things - clarity and cantaloupe to name two. It's interesting that I gave up something that I needed (food) to find out that what I wanted (Finishing The Cleanse, Talking with my dad about his bullshit, or a certain boy that I used to adore) is not what I needed. I don't need those things to move on and be happy. I don't need to be tangled up in the drama of those things. I don't need to waste my mind, my heart, or my energy on them. Basically, The Cleanse has released me from dwelling on topics that were continuing to cause hurt. Just choose not to hurt! Just choose to stop The Cleanse! I choose to be happy and to move forward! Nothing like breaking the body down physically to show you how to live mentally. I am in a great mind set today. I think I have finally turned a new corner in my life. Or, I have finally totally lost it.

10:49pm - As I was leaving work, I made a trip to the potty. A nice, ping-pong ball sized soft poop dropped. The cantaloupe and bagel bite came out with ease. My intestinal poop factory is back in action! Tonight, for dinner, I had very watery tomato soup and one slice of garlic naan from Trader Joe's. It was so great. The flavors exploded in my mouth! My tongue was so thankful and my stomach sang my praise! This has been one of the greatest days in recent memory. I feel so grounded. I will continue to report anything Master Cleanse related here over the next couple days. Poop related events, further epiphanies, and food talk will be documented. However, I will be back at my home base blog after today.

I'd like to thank Brian, Beth, and Dan for their blog support! Also, thanks to my roommie, Brian, for being so tech savvy and uploading the videos! Thanks also go to Cody for starting the gears in my head with the Need vs. Want Theory, Craig for always being a great listener, friend, and Gmail Gchat companion, and that old lady at the office who I have decided will not effect me anymore. Thank you to Sophia for being super hot and thanks to Jon for sending me funny links all day. I'd also like to thank The Academy for nominating me and their dedication to great films. Good luck, Brian and Beth! I encourage you to stay with it for the duration! I wonder who will win Master Cleanse Survivor???



BETA FIPPEL

11:01am - I should have knocked on wood yesterday, because I almost had a disaster between the subway and the office this morning. It was like walking through a mine field. Every step I took, I was more and more certain that something was going to explode. Luckily, I made it safe and sound and had my second morning poop in the office restroom. I have to admit, I thought about quitting again today. I'm going to Boston tomorrow for a friend's birthday party, and I'm sure I would have more fun if I could eat/drink. Also, it's going to be a pain in the butt to take my Cleanse ingredients on the Chinatown bus. But I don't think I'm going to quit. I think if I can do the Cleanse under these circumstances I really will have mastered my pesky impulses.

12:07pm - I too am shocked and saddened at the news of Jeffrey quitting the Cleanse. I'm dedicating the rest of my Cleanse to him. The first thing I will dedicate to him is the very, very close call that I just had. I almost pooped sitting at my desk. Barely any warning. Suddenly, I was like, "Something is millimeters away from coming out of my butt." I ran to the bathroom and, once again, narrowly escaped disaster. This time, I really was peeing out of my butt. Nothing solid or brown or flaky. Pure yellow liquid coming out of my butt hole.

2:38pm - I just had a couple of hours of dizziness and a tingly feeling. I feel better now, though. I also had another lethargic conversation with Brian. I'm on quite the quitting-not-quitting roller coaster!

BRIAN KENNEDY

9:19am - Finished my salt water flush earlier this morning. 5 down, 5 to go. Already had my pre and post-shower elimination. I'm feeling very energetic, jazzed almost. If I leave for work now, I may actually be on time. Just trying to decide if it's safe to leave the house yet.

10:58am - Thank god my energy is back! Right now I am trying to do the work of four people. Two of my co-workers are off today, and the other one called in late. I secretly like when this happens because I can blare Dolly Parton and the Dixie Chicks on my iPod and not feel bad about it. I think I have to eliminate again, but I just don't have time for that right now.

11:53am - I am devastated, DEVASTATED to learn that Jeffrey has quit. I'm sad for him, but more sad for me knowing that there will now be food in the house again. I feel like this cleanse was a good bonding experience for us as roommates and friends. Now I'm going to go back to holding up in my room with the door shut, avoiding him at any cost. Sigh. The weight of this blog now rests on the shoulders of me and Beth. Stay strong Beth, I need you!

12:36pm - I now know the true meaning of the term "pissing out of my ass." The little stream that was trickling out of my butt before, was nothing compared to the river that just blasted out of my a-hole. I think I may need to wipe again, just to be safe.

2:40pm - Today has been good and bad. Besides feeling like my alliances in this cleanse are crumbling around me, work has been crazy-busy. Usually when it gets like this I either A.) Starve myself all morning and then over-eat later in the day, or B.) Stress eat all day long. Right now I am missing both. But on the upside, I do feel like I've flipped a switch and that the Cleanse is no longer in control of me, instead it is I that am in control of it.

8:15pm - Stayed late at work. It's amazing to me that after 4 days without food, my body was able put in a 9 hour day without any breaks, and still not feel tired. Am I on the Master Cleanse or am I on Tina? My only complaint for the day (and I'll always have one) is that my back is still killing me. Seriously, it feels like this. I almost asked one of my co-workers for a massage. But then I remember that they're my co-workers and I don't like them touching me.

12:40am - I just cleaned my room! This Cleanse is an honest to god miracle worker.