Day Ten

JEFFREY MARX

11:05pm - Probiotics? Shit! Did I miss a step in coming off The Cleanse? I definitely feel weird "digesty stuff" happening and thought that would pan out by now. I am having a slumber party at Cody's apartment. We ate canteloupe and drank OJ. I love OJ. Tonight, in my improv show, I played a fat kid who couldn't fit inside a rollercoaster.... and the beat goes on, the beat goes on...

BETA FIPPEL

12:55pm - Mama Mia! Things sure are getting heated in the comments section of this blog. In other news, I'm not sure if you've heard, but it's the LAST DAY OF THE CLEANSE!!!! I woke up late (no work today) and did the salt water flush, which went straight through me (because I want to be just like Brian). Now I'm sitting here doing research on what I'm supposed to consume for the next few days. I really, truly cannot believe that I just did this for 10 days (almost). And that, for the most part, I was able to maintain my busy life as I normally would. Can't wait for orange juice tomorrow. For now, I'd better go buy some probiotics or something.

5:54pm - I'm about to head off to my improv class, but figured I should do a little bit of Cleanse reflection beforehand. When I get my Golden Lemon tonight at the Master Cleanse Awards show (I stole this idea from Brian, even though his entry is below mine), I'll be taking the negative anti-thanks route. I will reverse-thank the amount of time I've wasted during the past 10 days squeezing lemons. I will reverse-thank all of the people who thought it would be cute or funny to offer me lots of food to eat. And I will reverse-thank salt for making me want to die every morning for 10 days. But, like Brian, the big thanks goes to my butt for putting up with all of the abuse during the Cleanse. Also Jeffrey and Dan for supporting me even after they stopped and quit respectively. And I would thank Craitzy for putting up with me being on the Cleanse while I visited her in Boston, but since she and Jeffrey are enemies, it might be too controversial to thank her.

11:59pm - It's the end of Day 10! I'm having my last cup of laxative tea right now and looking forward to tomorrow!!

BRIAN KENNEDY

7:26am - LAST. SALT. WATER. FLUSH. EVER.

8:49am - My tongue is slowly starting to turn pink again, a sign that my body is almost done detoxing. Another sign is that I just had 3 eliminations in 30 minutes! That's the fastest the salt water flush has played me yet. Mostly liquid too. The brown poopy flakes are almost gone. I think I'm going to make a cereal called Brown Poopy Flakes. It's mascot will be this, and if you save up enough UPCs you can send in for a toilet shaped cereal bowel. Delicious.

1:16pm – I'm writing my acceptance speech for when I receive the Golden Lemon at tonight's Master Cleanse Awards 2007. Here's who I have to thank so far: Jeffrey, for helping me make it thorough the first few days; my TiVo and my Netflix account, for the distraction; Yogi Tea, the makers of "Get Regular". Beta, for sticking with me for all 10 days of this bitch; my toilet, for putting up with all of my shit; and of course my butt, for being such a trooper through out this whole ordeal.

6:47pm - I just made my last batch of lemon/maple juice for LIFE! You don't even know how excited I am. The next time I see maple syrup, it better be on a stack of buttermilk pancakes. The next time I see a lemon or a lime, it better be in a vodka & tonic or gin & tonic, respectively. The next time I see cayenne pepper... it better be in whatever food you season with cayenne pepper that I'm about to eat!