Day Eight

JEFFREY MARX

12:02pm - I had a cheeseburger last night. My body was craving meaty protein. I ate some vegetables too. Also, I ventured into giving some Jack Daniels a spin. OMG. Drunk on one drink! I am such a cheap date now! I only had two cocktails and was pretty good. I guess that's one way to cut out liquor! I also tried to eat a Reese's PB cup and it was so gross. I'm not a huge sugar person anyway, but its good to know I am not really worried about candy. However, this morning is not a good day in the elimination department. Note to cleansers - do not eat a cheeseburger too soon after no matter how much your body tells you! I can't seem to squeeze out a single drop of poo! You know what sounds good for lunch? Celery and peanut butter and a gallon of water.

4:50pm - Major poop. Mostly liquid. I am crying it felt so good. Seriously. This whole cleanse has been an emotional rollercoaster. I love it. I hate it. I can't wait to be settled. When is that exactly?

BETA FIPPEL

1:43am - It's actually 2:43am, but I guess we just "fell back" for daylight savings. Tonight was rough. I was around delicious snacky party food (cupcakes, cheese and crackers, chips, etc. etc.) and lots of booze from about 7pm to midnight for Craitzy's birthday party. Not to mention all of the drunk people who probably would have been much more fun to be around had I been drinking. Then, around midnight, we went to a Harvard Law School Gay Ball (very reminiscent of Vassar parties) where there was an open bar. Everybody (except me) proceeded to get even drunker. It was a weird feeling. My sobriety was exaggerated by not only the drunkenness of the people around me, but also all of the thoughts/clarity that the Cleanse has started sending through my brain. I'm heading back to New York at noon and if I can't get up early enough, I may skip the salt water in the morning. Nothing would make me quit the Cleanse quicker than pooping my pants on the Chinatown bus. I'm feeling very hungry right now. I'm going to bed.

11:46am - I was supposed to be on the noon Chinatown bus, but I woke up late, so now I'm aiming for the 1pm bus. I did, indeed, skip the salt water this morning for my butt's sake. And now I'm off to the train station. I had a lot more stuff to "eliminate" this morning than usual, I think because I used a juicer to juice the lemons yesterday, so there was a lot of pulp in my lemonade. I'm boring this morning.

11:42pm - Today was rough. The Cleanse is not a good traveling companion. I'm feeling feverish and kind of out of it right now. I'm wondering if the way I feel has anything to do with skipping the salt water flush, but there are plenty of other factors (being out late last night, traveling all day, not eating) that could be playing a roll. I think the last two days of the cleanse will be a piece of cake. Brian and I were able to do a fun, high energy, coherent improv show tonight, so I'm pretty proud of us!

BRIAN KENNEDY

9:28am - Jeffrey has an out-of-town friend sleeping in our guest room... which is right next to the bathroom. I fear that the sounds of my morning elimination may have roused him from his slumbers. Imagine that being the first thing you hear upon waking.

11:15am - You know what this cleanse has taught me? That your butt is a poop graveyard. Seriously, the stuff that just came out of my ass smelled as if it had been dead and rotting in there for years.

3:43pm - According to the book, a lot of people feel great and find spiritual enlightenment starting day 8. And while I haven't found god, or buddha, or Tom Cruise yet, I do feel pretty fucking amazing today. It didn't hurt that I pampered myself by going on an American Apparel shopping spree and I got my hair did. (Yes, I know the other day I was bitching about not having any money... but I was talking about actual money in the bank. My imaginary, credit card money is practically endless!)

Now that I'm feeling good and this cleanse is coming to an end, I'm starting to set new goals for myself:

A.) Run the NYC Marathon next year. I've actually been thinking about this for awhile, but I became really inspired as I watched the thousands of people run down our block this morning (I was on the lookout for my friend Hallie... and checking out all the cute boys.) I ran in high school, and after college when I quit smoking, and last summer when I was looking for new ways to torture my body. I think if I trained properly, I could do all 26 miles.

B.) Get writing! I know this is always a goal of mine, but it's time to buckle down and get serious. I don't want to be pushing pills for the rest of my life. I've decided to make it my winter project. Come springtime, I better have something accomplished, be it play, screenplay, tv pilot, sketch show, puppet show or pile of shit. Doesn't matter, as long as it's something.

12:10am - I didn't heed Beta's advice and I almost crapped my pants just now. I felt what I thought was just a little fart, and since I never have eliminations at night, I pushed. As we say back home, Uff da! It was a close one. Thankfully, I was already in the bathroom getting ready to take my contacts out, so I didn't have to go far. I just dropped my drawers (which were still dry, thank you very much) and sat on the throne. Lesson learned!