Breaking the Fast, Day One.

JEFFREY MARX

7:45pm - So, I am freaking out that I didn't do this Probiotical stuff. My digestion isn't quite back to normal and I feel a little light-headed if I am not eating at certain times. It sort of feels like how my mom describes her diabetes/low-blood sugar "spells". Did I fuck myself up? In other news, the taste of a salad and cantaloupe is much more preferable than a cheeseburger and Jack Daniels. Strange.

BETA FIPPEL

9:55am - I woke up this morning and had (hopefully) one of my last experiences of peeing from the butt. Now I'm at work getting ready to dilute my orange juice (I'm drinking OJ from concentrate rather than fresh-squeezed--hopefully it won't ruin the Cleanse) and take the probiotics that Brian was kind enough to give me last night. Speaking of probiotics, the bottle Brian gave me has two stickers on it. One says "Refrigerate" and the other says "To be taken rectally." Luckily Brian told me that I only really had to do the former. Also, there's been some confusion about what probiotics are, so I'll share my oversimplified explanation. Probiotics provide the "good" bacteria that helps with various body functions (most notably, digestion). Foods like yogurt do the same, but since we're supposed to be avoiding dairy, it's rectal pills all the way!

1:47pm - I'm dying of hunger! Help! If only I had some delicious "Lemonade" to help stave off the hunger...

BRIAN KENNEDY

8:01am - According to the book it takes 3 days to break the fast. I've decided to keep blogging on here until the fast is officially over and the new me emerges from it's cocoon of starvation, like a beautiful, emaciated butterfly. Let me start by noting that I lost 10 pounds on this cleanse. And honest to god, I hope to gain it all back. Right now I look like I've been doing extra work on the set of Schindler's List. It's not very becoming.

In order to break the fast, and gain some weight back, the book suggest the following eating schedule for the next 3 days:

Day 1: Fresh squeezed orange juice, cut with water, all day long.

Day 2: O.J. for breakfast, homemade vegetable soup (broth only) for lunch, vegetable soup (broth and veggies) for dinner.

Day 3: O.J. for breakfast, soup for lunch, small salad for dinner.

Kind of disappointing, right? It feels like my mind has tricked my body by promising it that the cleanse will be over today, when really I don't get any solids for another 2 days. This subject of breaking the cleanse is a bit of a hot topic on the online forum that I've been browsing. Of course if you go back to solids and pig out too soon, you body is going to get sick. But many people state that the suggested method for breaking the cleanse takes things a little too cautiously. I myself am hoping to speed up the process a bit, as I have a benefit dinner for work to go to on Friday. And if there's endless free food, I'll be damned if all I'm gonna eat is a salad. Of course, I will be careful and listen to my body. I remember one time in high school when I fasted for a day (for some "End World Hunger" bullshit.) The next morning when I woke up I proceed to drink a glass of cranberry juice and then immediately barf all over the place. I got to take the day off from school, which was great, but I also remember my mom getting really mad at me. Today I plan to slowly sip my O.J., but for dinner I might try to introduce some broth into my system. If I vomit, at least there won't be anyone there to yell at me.

9:33am - Instead of my hands smelling like lemons today, they smell like oranges. What a refreshing change!

3:23pm - Just finished my second helping of O.J. for the day. It's like a refreshing citrus party in my mouth, and thankfully, no one invited the cayenne pepper. I'm still not hungry, but I have been constantly thinking about food all day. I wish I had a time machine.I would set it for Friday afternoon. My coworker is eating french fries again, and while I know I can't eat one, I am tempted to suck on one. It's hard knowing that technically, the cleanse is over... yet I still can't eat anything. As a small reward, I did go to Rite Aid and purchased some cherry flavored chap stick which I have been applying liberally all day. These days, it's the little things that count.

8:37pm - After work I went to Gristedes. Never in my life had I been so excited to be shopping for groceries. In order to make my veggie broth tonight I bought carrots, mushrooms, red and green peppers, potatoes and basil. Not really sure if there was a certain way to make the "homemade broth" that the book talks about, I just chopped everything up and threw it into a pot of boiling water. I even added some sea salt and cayenne for old times' sake. Right now it smells AMAZING. Without my lemon-maple water, hunger has definitely set in. It took every last ounce of self-control not to sneak a taste while chopping. I am craving veggies like mad right now. Had I the choice between a veggie platter and a plate of french fries, I'd go for the veggies without hesitation. It makes me sad to think that when my soup is done cooking, I will have to strain the veggies and throw them out. No solids today. Heck, I'm not even supposed to be having the broth tonight. But I took my probiotics like a good little boy this morning. And the orange juice didn't seem to upset my stomach at all. So now, drinking a little bit of hot vegetable water, is a risk I'm more than willing to take.

9:12pm - I've dubbed my broth "Better Than Sex Soup." It seriously tastes like it's making love to my mouth right now. As predicted, it was hard to throw the veggies out. As soon as I dumped them in the trash can, I took the garbage out.. just to be sure that I wouldn't be tempted.

DAN FRIEDMAN

11:39am - I know that I've officially quit the cleanse over a week ago, but I just wanted to use this space to give a shout-out Beta and Brian for completing the Master Cleanse. "Congratulations, Beta and Brian!" According to Wikipedia, "a shout-out is a greeting or acknowledgment of a person, group, or organization of significance. It is often done as a sign of respect, synonymous with 'giving props.' " So, enjoy these props in a digestively responsible manner.