Day One

JEFFREY MARX

I decided to do a little video blogging along with this cleanse thing. I watched everyone's on youtube who had the same idea and figured mine wouldn't be UN-interesting. So, the first video is sort of an introduction and also a mini-tour of my new room in Brooklyn, which will be fun for those of you who haven't seen the new place yet... or if you're just a regular stranger, then enjoy being a voyeur, I would.



This morning, I woke up and had a regular "elimination" - that means "poop". The book we're reading keeps using that word and it makes me laugh and feels like I am on a reality TV show. But then again, everything makes me feel like I am on a reality TV show. Figures, since my freshman year of high school was also the very first season of The Real World. I am first in a true generation of reality TV, so it's second nature.

After my poop, I had to drink 32 oz. of salt water. At first, I thought I could do it, but it was pretty gross. I managed to chug it all down, and twenty minutes later had another poop. I was running late for rehearsal. Thankfully, Brian made my first bottle of lemonade while I was in the shower. Brian was my mommy packing me lunch and sending me out the door to catch the bus! Thanks mommy!

I went to rehearsal and felt mild hunger. I had normal energy. Someone told me they tried the cleanse awhile ago and they woke up in the middle of the night on the third day. They said they were sweaty, shaking, and hallucinating from being on the cleanse. I told him you are supposed to cleanse yourself with tea and salt water, not LSD. I am forging ahead with upbeat positivity and only the best outcome in mind, so this story didn't phase me.

On the subway home, I started feeling really hungry. I finished my first half of the days lemonade and couldn't wait to get home to make some more. When I got home, I thought I would watch an episode or two of South Park. I definitely felt hungry. Alot hungry. Halfway through the second episode, I zoned out and fell asleep. It felt like I got stuck in a foggy hole. My body just turned off for about 20 minutes. I woke up and made a batch of lemonade. I drank some and started feeling alright so I went to work on cleaning my room.

My room was a disaster. I had been neglecting cleaning up my clutter for awhile and it felt good to organize my closet and sweep under my bed. The weather today was the first blast of wintery cold. Interesting to me, the day I start the cleanse is also the first time I felt the beginning of a season change. Messy rooms and weather analogies aside, I really think I am on the brink of grounded change within myself. After quitting therapy last week and seriously taking a look at two of my relationships, I feel strong and in control. Just like Janet Jackson.



BETA FIPPEL

After very few hours of sleep last night, I intended to begin the cleanse with the salt water top-down enema this morning. However, my body started before me by "eliminating" quite a bit of... matter before I could even drink the salt water. When I get nervous, I poop. And for some reason, I'm very nervous about this whole thing. So, by the time the salt water kicked in, I didn't have very much to poop out. So far, I have to say that the worst part of the cleanse is the taste of the "lemonade". At first it's kind of fun to drink because it seems like it should be completely disgusting, but is just kind of interesting tasting. By the end of the 32 oz. that I was able to get down today (which is about half as much as I think I'm supposed to drink each day), I was really struggling to drink it. Surprisingly, it really is filling. I was barely hungry at all. All in all, my butt hasn't really attacked yet. So far it's Beta-1, Cleanse-0.

BRIAN KENNEDY

This morning I woke relieved that I didn't relieve myself in bed. Thanks to the laxative tea we had to drink last night, I was having some pretty intense pee dreams. One involved me being a call-boy for my boss (he was my pimp, not my john) at some Asian themed hotel. Jake Gyllenhaal was there as a fellow call-boy. At one point, I touched his chest. In the dream I peed in the toilet, the shower, and on the bathroom floor. I woke up with a very full bladder and thankfully, a dry bed.

I've been emptying my bladder pretty much all day. I lost count after 10, but I would wager that I peed at least 15 times today. And I'm not talking a weak little trickle here and there. It's like the Mighty Mississip flowing out of my wee little willie. (It's not really that wee.)

I'd much rather have the pee than the poops though. As team captain, I've been reading the book and here is what we have to look forward to in the poop department:

"The first cleanse I did was so bad I had to put some vitamin E on my butt for Days 2-5."

"I thought I was literally eliminating hot flames from my butt."

"I drink the SWF (salt water flush) and winthin an hour I have as many as 5 BMs."

"I eliminated some intestinal-shaped matter about three to four feet long."

"Mine gets darker and darker each day. The deeper the 'do,' the darker the hue."

"Yeah, I'm obsessive too. My favorite part is looking in the toilet to see what came out each time."

So there you have it. That's what we have to look forward to whilst poop-- er, eliminating.

DAN FRIEDMAN

Dan is eating steak right now with his sister. Too much steak. Not enough Grade-B maple syrup.